Customer Service: HOW You Say WHAT You Say . . .

By David Lazear

Imagine the following customer service scenarios:

Scenario 1: You call customer service for information about a new product or service you’ve seen on the internet. The person answers the phone and right away you can tell this is someone who doesn’t like what they’re doing. You ask your question about the product or service and the customer service representative tells you it’s a very exciting product, but they drone on using what sounds like a scripted conversation.

Scenario 2: You call customer service needing technical support on a software product and the customer service rep sounds as if they are in a hurry to get you out of the way so they can move on to something else, probably more important than you and your petty concern.

Scenario 3: Customer service answers the phone with some “canned” personal greeting but the person sounds angry or stressed out. You have a complaint about a product you’ve purchased and the rep starts arguing with you, or communicates their impatience with you.

---

In each of these situations, it was the sound and quality of the other persons voice which created the negative feelings. Often HOW we say what we say communicates more than the actual meaning of the words we use. Can you think of times you were talking with a friend or colleague about a controversial topic and they assured you in an emphatic way, “NO! I am NOT upset by what you just said!!!”

In customer service, especially when your main contact with customers is in on the phone, the tone, pitch, timbre, and rhythm of your speaking will shape and determine the customer experience with your business. There are many aspect to building solid customer relationships. How your voice impacts others is a subtle, but very important part of your relationship building with your customers.

Following are two exercises which focus on the sound and rhythm of your speech. The first exercise deals with the sound of your voice when you speak to another person. The second deals with the rhythm and beat of your speech. Both are subtle, but vitally important to setting the right emotional tone when you’re dealing with customers.

Exercise 1: The Tonal Qualities of Communication

This exercise helps you learn to “tune in” to the sound of your own and others speech. As you learn to listen to the quality of your voice when you are speaking with another person, you can check yourself to make sure that what you are saying and how you are saying it match.

There are patterns of sound that are part of everyday communication which provide an opportunity to experiment with enhancing your communicative capacities. You can use this auditory realm to deepen your communication with others in the course of everyday relating. This exercise will help you practice getting your message and voice in synch with each other.

1. Spend a couple of evenings watching a variety of TV shows and analyze the tonal qualities of the dialogue. Use the chart below and see how many of the vocal tonal patterns listed you can recognize.

sarcasm	impatience	affection
irritation	empathy	happiness
sympathy	sadness	boredom
contentment	sincerity	surprise
determination	frustration	excitement

2. Over the course of several days, listen carefully to the tones of peoples' communication with one another. See if you can hear the same qualities that you did when you were analyzing the TV shows. When you recognize the tonal pattern, check the box of the appropriate mood or emotion in the chart above.

[Remember: You’re not listening for the content of the message. You’re listening for the vocal tonal patterns which express the mood or emotion.]

3. Finally spend time listening carefully to the tones of your own communication with others, both on-the-job and at home. See if you can detect some of the same vocal tonal pattern that you noticed when you were analyzing the TV shows and other people’s speech. When you recognize the vocal tonal pattern in yourself, again check the appropriate box in the chart.

4. Reflection:

• What really stands out from my experience of this exercise?
• What do I find most interesting? Most surprising? Most entertaining? Most disturbing?
• What have I learned about the role of tonal patterns in the art of communication?

---

Exercise 2: The Beat, Rhythm, and Vibration of Communication

When I was working on my master’s degree, there were a couple of professors which almost drove me mad. One professor spoke in such a slow, relaxed, and meandering fashion that it was almost sleep-inducing. He had good stuff to say; it just took him forever to say it.

The other professor was a young, fresh out of school woman who was so excited about what she was teaching she could hardly contain herself. She talked so fast and in such a staccato manner, that I was a wreck at the end of her classes. The rhythm and vibration of her teaching literally raised my stress level.

This exercise mirrors the previous one; however, this time you’ll work with the rhythm, beat, vibration, and all the other sounds of communication.

1. Once again, spend a couple of evenings watching a variety of TV shows. This time listen to and analyze the rhythmic and vibrational patterns of the dialogue and the accompanying sound effects. As much as possible ignore the pitch and tone of people’s voices. Use the chart below and see how many of the rhythmic and vibrational patterns listed you can recognize.

tension	anxiety	well-being
urgency	nonchalance	frivolity
excitement	fear	boredom
anger	hostility	terror
determination	frustration	excitement

2. Over the course of several days, listen carefully to the rhythmic and vibrational aspects of peoples' communication with one another. See if you can hear the same patterns that you observed in the various TV shows. When you recognize the vocal rhythmic pattern, check the box of the appropriate mood or emotion in the chart above.

[Remember: Again you’re not listening for the content of the message. You’re listening for the vocal rhythmic patterns or the beat of their speaking which express the mood or emotion.]

3. Over the course of several days, listen carefully to the rhythmic and vibrational aspects of your own communication with others. See if you can detect the same patterns as you did in the TV shows. When you can recognize the rhythmic pattern, check the box of the appropriate mood or emotion.

4. Reflection:

• What really stands out in my experience of this exercise?
  What do I find most interesting? Most surprising? Most entertaining? Most disturbing?
  What have I learned about the role rhythmic and vibrational patterns play in the art of communication?

---

About the author:

David Lazear is a mentor and coach for mentors, coaches, and trainers. He is an associate of Mike Klingler and Ann Sieg at the Renegade University and Renegade Professional.

David has written some 15 books and created numerous resources for home business entrepreneurs, coaches, and trainers. His expertise is training others in how to assess and address other’s “learning profile” using the research on “multiple intelligences” (a.k.a. The 8 Kinds of Smart).

David Lazear teaches how to turbo-charge any mentoring, coaching, and training you provide so you Reach Everyone, Everytime – Guaranteed!

A Customer Service Strategy: “Tell Me More!” – The Art of Questioning

By David Lazear

When we are talking with a customer, a lead or prospect, or to our business partners we often make certain assumptions about them which may or may not be accurate. Learning to ask good questions is an important customer service technique which not only helps you get to know them better, but to quickly zero in on exactly what their unique needs are.

Following is a questioning strategy which allows you to move beyond assumptions and explore real feelings, opinions, values, and beliefs with your customers, thus deepening your relationship with them. I promise that you will leave the conversation with a greater appreciation for and understanding of each other. In short, you will build the customer relationship.

The questioning strategy involves learning to take a customer service experience through four distinct levels that mirror the natural way the mind thinks about almost anything. Usually the mind goes through this in a split second, but for the sake of understanding this strategy, I’ll will slow down the process and isolate the levels.

Here are the four levels of the questioning strategy:

Objective-level customer service questions ask people to state what they see, hear, touch, smell, and taste. This level tends to be verifiable by the five senses and by everyone involved in the discussion.

When the objective level is ignored, people will often interpret and make decisions based on erroneous information or subjective feelings only.

 

Reflective-level customer service questions illuminate people’s emotional responses, what they are feeling toward something. This level is more personal and individual.

When the reflective level of is ignored, people tend to remain dispassionate and make decisions void of commitment.

Interpretive-level customer service questions highlight the meaning and significance people ascribe to what is being discussed. They allow people to state what is important to them and why.

When the interpretive level is ignored, outcomes and final decisions tend to be superficial or somehow not quite on target given the data.

Decisional-level customer service questions allow people to choose a course of action in light of the conversation. This level reveals people’s decisions and the steps they plan to take.

When the decisional level is ignored people feel like they have talked an issue to death but made no decisions, and resent that their time was wasted.

Exercise: The Four-Level Questioning Technique

Let’ s now try it! You’ll need a small group of 4-5 people who are willing to experiment with and learn this method. Select a poem or a short article from a trade journal for your industry.

1. Objective Level. Read the poem or article aloud 3-4 times, then discuss:

• What words or phrases grabbed you?
  What parts of it really stand out in your mind, for whatever reason?

2. Reflective Level. Read the poem or article again and notice your feelings. Discuss:

• What feelings did it call forth? You do not have to explain why; just be aware of your feelings.
  What music would you play as a background for this poem or article?
  What colors does it evoke?
  If you could delete part of this poem or article, which part would it be?
  If you could add something, what would you add?

3. Interpretive Level. Now discuss your interpretations:

• If you could read this poem or article to anyone, to whom would you read it? Why?
  In your own words, what is the core message of the poem or article?
  What real-life experience does it call to mind?
  When in your own experience have you known the truth of this poem or article? Tell each other about that time.

4. Decisional Level. Next discuss what decisions about the poem or article you might make:

• If I gave you a nicely mounted copy of this poem or article, where would you hang it in your home? Why?
  If this poem or article were a person, what would it say to you? What would you say to it?
  What title would you give this poem or article?
  What implications does this poem or article have for your life today?

Customer Service Application Scenario:

A customer has called you with a question about a bonus they thought they were to receive when they purchased your product. Unfortunately the bonus is not available with the version of the product they purchased. They needed to upgrade to the professional version to get the bonus. Here’s an example of how you might use the 4-level questioning technique to deal with this customer. 1. Objective Level: What words or phrases do you remember from the ad or sales letter that convinced you to buy the product in the first place? 2. Reflective Level: What are your feelings about the main product so far? What do you like? What surprised you about it? 3. Interpretive Level: What were you hoping for in the bonus? Why did you want it? What need would it fulfill for you? 4. Decisional Level: I’d like to send you a trial version of the product which includes the bonus. Would you be willing to try the professional version to see how you like it? You can keep the bonus if you decide to return the product.

About the author:

David Lazear is a mentor and coach for mentors, coaches, and trainers. He is an associate of Mike Klingler and Ann Sieg at the Renegade University and Renegade Professional.

David has written some 15 books and created numerous resources for home business entrepreneurs, coaches, and trainers. His expertise is training others in how to assess and address other’s “learning profile” using the research on “multiple intelligences” (a.k.a. The 8 Kinds of Smart).

David Lazear teaches how to turbo-charge any mentoring, coaching, and training you provide so you Reach Everyone, Everytime – Guaranteed!

CUSTOMER CARE: Deep Listening, Hearing, and Understanding

By David Lazear

In your customer care or care for your leads and business partners, how often have you thought you clearly communicated something to them, and you thought they were listening and that they understood, only to be surprised later to find that they seemed to miss the whole intent of your communication?

Hearing others’ words is one thing. Hearing and listening to what they are saying is an entirely different matter. And understanding the meaning of their words is a highly developed skill that cannot be assumed simply because one has heard and listened.

There may be no single customer care skill that is more important than deep listening, hearing, and understanding. This will shape your customer experience more than any thing else you might do!

There are at least three situations that often challenge our listening, hearing, and understanding abilities: listening when you disagree, listening when their communication is confusing, and listening in a meeting.

Following are three exercises to help you build your own customer care skills which are also the skills needed to care for leads, prospects, business partners and/or your business team.

The exercises deal with several levels of the hearing, listening, and understanding process in everyday situations of human relating.

Listening When You Disagree

One time when deep listening is very difficult is when you’re having a casual conversation with someone else and suddenly they are saying something that is at odds with your own perspective or that may in fact challenge some of your own cherished values and beliefs. What usually happens to our listening in this case?

A whole world of inner voices begins making such comments as, “I can’t believe she could really believe that! I thought she was an intelligent person.” Or we start planning our rebuttal; we look for flaws in their logic or places where they are contradicting themselves. Sometimes derogatory thoughts come to us: “Why does she wear her hair like that? It surely doesn’t flatter her.”

The upshot of this is that we have basically stopped listening. We are missing what the other person is saying because our own mind chatter drowns it out. We’ve got to train ourselves to listen.

---

CUSTOMER CARE EXERCISE: Listening When You Disagree

Place yourself in a customer care situation (or one with a lead or business partner) where you strongly disagree with the viewpoint of another person or other persons. Your goal is to understand his/her perspective thoroughly. It may be a conversation over a political issue, a religious belief, or something happening in the community.

1. Ask the other person to explain his/her viewpoint to you. Listen as deeply as you can to what they are saying, trying to understand where they are coming from. Consciously practice cutting off the mind chatter.

2. When the person has finished, ask questions to clarify, but do not state your opinions. Remember, understanding is not the same as agreeing. Following are some questions to try, but be careful not to ask them in an argumentative way:

• Who are some people who have influenced your thinking on this issue?
  What experiences in your life have led to your current viewpoint?
  What are the most common arguments against your viewpoint and how do you answer them?
  Are there any books or articles you would recommend that would help me understand your position more fully?

3. See if you can paraphrase what the other person has said and what his viewpoint on the issue is. Ask him to interrupt you and correct you if you have not fully understood what he was saying. At the end of the conversation, thank the person for sharing his views with you.

As soon as you can after the conversation, reflect (even write) on how your own perspective has been informed as a result of the conversation.

---

Listening When the Message Is Confusing

Often when during our customer care and our communications with our leads, prospects, and business partners the messages we are getting are confusing or seem to be contradictory. We’ll often dismiss their thoughts and feelings simply because we couldn’t make sense out them. Again, this is a great occasion to train ourselves to listen!

---

CUSTOMER CARE EXERCISE: Listening When The Message Is Confusing

During the next month whenever you are communicating with someone and you feel the message is unclear, you feel you are hearing contradictory information, you don’t understand, or you feel the need to grasp the larger context.

1. As the person is talking, turn off your mind chatter. Listen as fully and deeply as you can, even though the communication is confusing (make mental notes to yourself about what parts are clear and what is confusing).

Do not accuse the other person of sending a confusing message. Do not look confused or communicate distress.

2. When the other person has finished a statement, begin by saying, “I’m not sure I understand what you just said. What I heard you say was. . .” and repeat as accurately as you can what you heard.

3. Ask the person if you have heard correctly. If not, ask her to repeat the message. Note what parts of your confusion are cleared up. Zero in on those parts that are still confusing using the following process:

• In your own mind, isolate the confusing and contradictory parts.
  In a non-accusatory way, try to explain what is confusing or what seems contradictory, asking the other person to help you understand.
  After the explanation, paraphrase what you heard and ask for confirmation or correction.
  In your own mind assess how the explanation has helped: What is still confusing? What still seems contradictory?
  In the same fashion, continue to work on gaiing clarity; that is, explain your confusion, ask the other to explain, paraphrase what you heard, and reassess your level of clarity or confusion.

---

Listening In A Meeting

How often have you been sitting in a meeting and suddenly you’re no longer there? You’re off planning what you’re going to do after work, or you’re thinking about some problem you could be working on if you weren’t in this “so and so” meeting, or you’re thinking about a TV show you watched last night. Part of working and learning with others involves training ourselves to stay focused and to listen in this kind of situation.

---

CUSTOMER CARE EXERCISE: Listening In A Meeting

During the coming month, every time you are in a meeting (even if it’s a customer care conference call!) take notes. Set up three columns on your note page: column 1 is for the content (what is being said); column 2 is for who said it and how they said it; and column 3 is for your observations of how this contribution affects others in the group. Include your contributions. (Note: You may not have an entry in every column for every comment.)

1. As in the previous exercises, practice cutting off your mind chatter so that you can deeply listen, hear, and understand the process that is happening. You’ll likely need to use the skills of the previous two exercises—namely, listening when you disagree and listening when there is confusion—to help you be successful in this situation.

2. After the meeting, carefully analyze your notes, trying to grasp the complex interpersonal dynamics that were involved in the meeting. Ask yourself the following questions, trying simply to understand these dynamics:

• Look at column 1. What were the recurring themes of the meeting? What points were made several times, maybe in different ways?
  Look at columns 2 and 3. Who were the key participants in the meeting? Why do you feel they were key?
  Reflect on column 3. Chart the mood shifts of the meeting. What was the overall mood of the meeting?
  When were people effectively communicating with one another?
  When were they not communicating?
  If you were to replay this meeting, what would make the communication more effective and affective?

---

When you develop the skills of deep listening and hearing you’ll discover that your whole approach to customer care is transformed. You’ll find a new depth in your communication with customers, leads, and your business team, new levels of personal connection with them, and you’ll have a new respect for their opinions and feelings.

This will also change you. As you genuinely open yourself to others your own life will be enriched, your perspectives broaden, and your appreciation for others enhanced. This is at the heart of relationship and attraction marketing - giving without want and yet receiving without asking!

---

About the author:

David Lazear is a mentor and coach for mentors, coaches, and trainers. He is an associate of Mike Klingler and Ann Sieg at the Renegade University and Renegade Professional.

David has written some 15 books and created numerous resources for home business entrepreneurs, coaches, and trainers. His expertise is training others in how to assess and address other’s “learning profile” using the research on “multiple intelligences” (a.k.a. The 8 Kinds of Smart). For more information please go to his website at Home Business Smarts.

David Lazear teaches how to turbo-charge any mentoring, coaching, and training you provide so you Reach Everyone, Everytime – Guaranteed!